ReadSector

Bad news. Bad news. Odd news. Slightly nice news. I finally plucked up the courage to read the text from Australia. It wasn’t from the Hunk, but from my nephew, about my sister, who is in a care home outside Sydney.

The second bit of bad news came while I was scrolling through my Twitter feed, and someone had posted about my email to the Hunk, when I’d asked after him and said I’d love to see him and indeed actually love him: ‘You are deranged. You haven’t seen the man for ten years. How can you possibly be in love with him? And can you imagine how upset David must be to read that?’

She’s right, I suppose. She added, ‘If he was interested, he would be following your column, listening to your podcast and secretly following you on Twitter.’ Not quite so sure about this as a) he is a busy man and b) he’s not David. And c) he’s not a woman.

I have to pull her up on one point, though. If David is upset, it’s his own fault. He never smartened himself up. He never engaged in meaningful conversation with me.

I texted him the other day, to ask if he’s been watching Grayson Perry’s Art Club on TV (David went to the RCA*, so I am trying to engage in his interests), and he replied with a stilted, formal, ‘It was very interesting and highlighted what a wealth of talent is out there.’ Not even a ‘How are you? How’s Swirly?’ or even an ‘Ouch.’ So that was the ‘odd’ bit, and now here is the slightly nice bit.

An email, out of the blue.

‘Lovely Liz…’

You see? David only ever called me ‘Sweetie’, which is what he called every woman in his life and used in case he forgot the name of the new one.

‘I’m sorry this isn’t the Hunk. We met once at Claridge’s; you wrote about me in your memoir: “He was nice but when he stood up I couldn’t tell if he was still sitting down.” [Ouch.] We got on well enough to meet for a drink at Canary Wharf. After that, life [David?] got in the way. My father owns [huge luxury brand here] and I live in Westcliff in Essex. I don’t know if you remember me.’

I do remember him. He was funny. But I think after our second drink, when I had seen him pull up in a new Porsche, I decided against him as he was shorter than me. (Oh, those were the days when I could turn men down!)

He continued: ‘When it’s possible after lockdown, I have friends in Yorkshire I must visit. It would be lovely if I could buy you lunch while I am up there. I know your one-woman show reaches Westcliff on 1 November. It would be great to see you then if you would like. I hope I hear from you but, above all, I hope you are as well and happy as possible. Kindest regards, P.’

Shall we analyse this missive? First, he shows interest in my work, having looked up the dates of my tour. He offers to buy lunch. He is polite. Brave. I show his email to Nic, my assistant.

‘He sounds rich,’ she says.

‘But why isn’t he married?’ I ask reasonably. ‘I think he has a holiday home in France.’

‘Maybe he’s too in luuurve with you.’

‘I doubt that. I was horrible to him. I wrote about his height.’

I draft my reply…

‘Hello! How lovely to hear from you, and of course I remember you fondly. You were so kind to me, and I repaid that kindness by writing about your shortcomings [!]. I can’t think why you aren’t married. David and I got engaged, twice, but it didn’t work out. Mainly as I wrote about him, which he found hard. But he also refused to make any effort. Men! It would be lovely to have lunch and catch up. Liz x’

So now I’m waiting for his reply… Why am I always waiting, like a character in a Jane Austen novel? Why?

* Rochdale College of Art

To contact Liz tweet #lizjonesgoddess or visit lizjonesgoddess.com

                               ★ LISTEN TO LIZ JONES’S PODCAST! ★

Join Liz as she dissects her weekly You Diary, delves into the archives and screams, ‘Why did I write that?!’ Find it now at mailplus.co.uk/lizjones, iTunes and Spotify.

Looking for the ultimate complexion boost? This is the one I’m plumping for right now  

We all seem to be a bit more obsessed with skincare at the moment, and according to the beauty destination Space NK, in the skincare category alone it is seeing a 163 per cent rise in sales on last year. Within that, serums in particular are up 143 per cent as, it tells me, we also appear to be more open to both trying new things and investing in luxury purchases.

Which brings me to this little number, which ticks all the above boxes: Dior Capture Totale Cell Energy Super Potent Serum (£59.50 for 30ml, dior.com). It’s part of a new and complete skincare range (moisturiser, eye cream, essence) but it’s the serum that’s the real power player (this, of course, is usually the case as serum formulations are more potent).

And this one delivers a serious moisture hit – dehydration is certainly one of my main concerns and I’ll latch on to anything that helps. In this case it’s thanks to some hyaluronic acid. So far, so expected you could say. But this is a newer version of HA – official name sodium acetylated hyaluronate – which has a greater capacity to hold water than your average HA and can also get deeper into the skin than other versions of an equivalent molecular size.

It is, says Edouard Mauvais-Jarvis, Dior’s international scientific communications director, ‘more penetrating and resistant, to offer more intense and durable results’. So essentially this is better at providing some extra plumping and helping your skin stay hydrated for longer.

Of course, as I always say, there is no magic bullet for making us look 20 years younger. But I’ve been trialling this and my skin does feel plumper – I’d even say fresher – and definitely more hydrated. The texture is incredibly lightweight (almost milky), which I love. And there’s only the slightest bit of tackiness post-application.

Of course, moisturiser on top is good to seal in all those hydrating benefits but I’ve found this is also a great base for a good tinted moisturiser or foundation.

A serene way to lighten up

A wonderful new candle brand this way comes. Meet 7 Over 7, thus named because it’s all about creating fragrant blends that align the body’s seven chakras. So these candles can be used to aid meditation – or just to make your home smell incredible. They are made from natural wax with cotton wicks, and mine has burned evenly and smells wonderful. The blend was Neroli Madurai, a refreshing mix including sweet orange, jasmine and its namesake neroli. Other blends include Grounding Woods (charred silver birch, oakmoss and patchouli) and Rose Bohemia, which includes Egyptian geranium, aldehydes and amber. I’m a big fan of the packaging, too. Each candle comes in a handmade ceramic pot, complete with a lid, and could be put to myriad uses once the candle has burned its last. Alternatively, 7 Over 7 offers a refill service and will send you the necessary packaging to safely return your pot, then refill it and get it back to you. £65 or £45 for a refill, live7over7.com.

Having trouble sleeping?   

I have found of late that I need a bit more of a routine around going to bed in order to switch off and get some decent shut eye

I have found of late that I need a bit more of a routine around going to bed in order to switch off and get some decent shut eye. This will begin with tearing myself away from the telly – and other screens – and resting my eye/brain stimulation. The new Rituals The Ritual of Jing collection is all about sleep. Although the bath salts are great, I really love the Peaceful Sleep Shower Oil (£8.50, rituals.com), which emulsifies into a light creamy wash and smells of woody lavender. I have also tried applying this to dry skin then getting into a bath, a process that equally works wonders and leaves my skin feeling smooth. Also on the bath front are two favourites. I always find that a generous dose of Mauli Rituals Himalayan Healing Salts (£42, maulirituals.com), with their blend of therapeutic oils, is super-soothing. And Land & Water Bath Salts, containing Himalayan, Epsom and sea salts (£17, land-and-water.co.uk), are like a lullaby in powdered form: finely milled (you don’t always want larger lumps slowly – and sometimes never – dissolving beneath you) and lavender and linden scented.

The Tisserand Pulse Point Roller Ball is equally effective – there is a wide range of them, including some for energy and focus – and the Sleep Better blend (£6.75, tisserand.com) includes jasmine, sandalwood and lavender essential oils. Simply apply to pulse points before bedtime and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results. I’ve given this to lots of my friends and even the most cynical of them have become dedicated customers.

Also new is the Sanctuary Spa Wellness range, which includes a Sleep Mist (£12, boots.com). This smells rather different to most sleep blends as it’s more of an exotic floral fragrance and includes bergamot, jasmine, rose, sweet pea and patchouli. Although it does contain lavender, I can’t really detect it, and perhaps for this reason I was somewhat sceptical, but I’ve had some of the soundest nights’ sleep whenever I use it.

And if you don’t like the smell of lavender – apparently 30 per cent of people hate it – then the Neom Bedtime Hero collection, which launched in March, could be for you. It’s a soothing concoction of camomile, ylang-ylang and cedarwood. The range includes a candle, pillow mist, bath foam and an oil blend, but I’m most partial to the Magnesium Body Butter (£36, neomorganics.com) for some added bedtime indulgence.