Made In Chelsea Buenos Aires: Habbs FORGIVES Jamie while Liv and Harvey enjoy a night of lust

Verity and James’ mutual love for equestrianism has forced them together in what appears to be a bizarre two-person polo match.

This is, of course, driving Intense Tristan wild as he watches from the side-lines stuffing cream buns down his throat as Verity bounces around in the saddle.

The polo match has created an opportunity for Verity and James to be awkwardly thrown together when they de-mount their stallions.

Made In Chelsea Buenos Aires: Everyone’s fuming that Habbs has already forgiven Jamie, Liv and Harvey enjoy a night of lust and Maeva cries hysterically for no real reason

As is James’ way, he immediately belittles the person he’s standing with – be they Verity, his mother, a bypassing old woman – by criticising her polo ability. She tells him that she was ‘in The A Team at uni’.

B A Baracus?

James decides to ramp up the nastiness and informs her that Tristan doesn’t love her and she’ll soon be kicked to the curb like an old dog. He’s clearly joking but Verity takes note, files it in the Bitter Bank and goes on her way.

Miles is still latching on to those girls – Lucia and the other one – and rambling on about how their parks are ‘so beautiful and tropical’ as if these two are the conservation ministers for the local government.

Bizarre: Verity and James’ mutual love for equestrianism has forced them together in what appears to be a bizarre two-person polo match

Bizarre: Verity and James’ mutual love for equestrianism has forced them together in what appears to be a bizarre two-person polo match

Remember how much of an absolute mess everything was with Habbs and Jamie last week? Remember how things got so terse that Habbs ran up some stairs and the camera crew had to go hand-held in the panic? Well all that was for nothing because she has now FORGIVEN him.

So we’ve gone from Armageddon to She’s All That in one fell swoop.

Habbs is going for coffee with Harvey, her ex, who inexplicably materialised halfway across the globe in front of them last week. Mytton warns her that ‘you know what happens when you drink too much coffee!’

It’s a diuretic so presumably she loses control of her bowels? Explain what you mean please Mytton!

Critique: As is James’ way, he immediately belittles the person he’s standing with – be they Verity, his mother, a bypassing old woman – by criticising her polo ability

Critique: As is James’ way, he immediately belittles the person he’s standing with – be they Verity, his mother, a bypassing old woman – by criticising her polo ability

Habbs has got her best double-denim on for coffee with Harvey who wastes no time telling her everyone thinks she’s ridiculous to take back Jamie and that, until he control the irresistible urge to send strange women fire emojis, she should really not be going out with him.

Habbs – who, poor thing, has been driven nearer and nearer to the edge of hysteria all year – starts to warble and Harvey simply tells her not to be naïve.

We like Harvey because he’s blunt and brooding and is pretending he’s in Argentina to brew beer when he’s just really not, let’s face it.

Someone else who likes Harvey is Liv. So much so that she is coaxed into dancing in the streets with him when they happen upon some sort of street dancing session. It’s like Street Fighter but without Chun-Li and E. Honda.

Forgiveness: Remember how much of an absolute mess everything was with Habbs and Jamie last week? Well all that was for nothing because she has now FORGIVEN him

Forgiveness: Remember how much of an absolute mess everything was with Habbs and Jamie last week? Well all that was for nothing because she has now FORGIVEN him

Verity chose not to tell Tristan that James said they wouldn’t last because Rosi was with them yesterday. Instead, she has decided the more appropriate time to break this news is when she and Tristan are literally about to meet James and Maeva for an awkward dinner, when at least 67 percent of this combination of people detest one another.

Tristan confronts James about it after they all clink glasses bitterly and an argument ensues.

In the midst of all this, Tristan asks Verity to be his girlfriend, which is made even more unbearable when Verity starts staring up at him and smiling, while everyone else is trying to have a row.

Ridiculous: Habbs has got her best double-denim on for coffee with Harvey who wastes no time telling her everyone thinks she’s ridiculous to take back Jamie

Ridiculous: Habbs has got her best double-denim on for coffee with Harvey who wastes no time telling her everyone thinks she’s ridiculous to take back Jamie

‘Did you just ask me to be your girlfriend?’ she slurs, dreamily, to which Maeva swears under her breath and James suppresses a smirk.

Tristan clearly wishes he’d picked a better moment because Verity then makes the whole thing 70 times more sickening by saying ‘course I’ll be your girlfriend’ and practically starts swinging from his neck.

Jamie and Habbs are very much the Dan Osborne and Jacqueline Jossa of Buenos Aires. Lots of tears and denials. It’s got so dire that Jamie has taken to wearing DUNGAREES!

Resist the urge: Habbs is warned that Jamie needs to control the irresistible urge to send strange women fire emojis, and she should really not be going out with him

Resist the urge: Habbs is warned that Jamie needs to control the irresistible urge to send strange women fire emojis, and she should really not be going out with him

Miles attempts to set Harvey and Liv up with that other girl he’s been hanging around with and a new unnamed man, both of which arrive in a bar and stand there crossed-armed as if it’s day one of the summer holidays and their mums have sent them to a six-week amateur dramatic workshop.

This demonstrates that the Argentinian suitors aren’t any fun, and that what Liv and Harvey clearly need is each other.

As if cementing their status as girl/boyfriend in front of Maeva wasn’t bad enough, Verity tries to persuade Rosi to move out of Maeva and James’ house and into her’s.

‘Maeva will hate that!’ Verity says, as if concerned, but in fact being absolutely beside herself with glee. What makes her worse than Maeva is that she smiles when she’s being vindictive, casting illusions to those of a weaker mind that she’s actually a sweet girl.

Verity – we LIKE when you cause this drama so for God’s sake, OWN IT!

Mytton heard Harvey and Liv doing the horizontal fandango last night and is ashamed to mention it in the palatial gardens they’ve all gone to for the last scene of this week’s episode.

Unbearable: In the midst of all this, Tristan asks Verity to be his girlfriend, which is made even more unbearable when Verity starts staring up at him and smiling

Unbearable: In the midst of all this, Tristan asks Verity to be his girlfriend, which is made even more unbearable when Verity starts staring up at him and smiling

It all comes out that these two hooked up and Habbs takes it quite well, because Liv cries when she tells her about it.

Tristan is leaving for South Africa [presumably because there’s been a Jurassic Park-type disaster at the rhino enclosure on site at his deluxe safari empire] and Verity is devo.

Verity’s words are all connected into one long string of noises, so instead of saying ‘please don’t leave me’ it’s ‘pleesdedonleeevemeeeeeh’ as she clasps his neck for dear life for the 19th time this episode.

Made In Chelsea continues next Monday at 9PM on E4.

Crikey: Mytton heard Harvey and Liv doing the horizontal fandango last night and is ashamed to mention it in the palatial gardens they’ve all gone to for the last scene of this week’s episode

Crikey: Mytton heard Harvey and Liv doing the horizontal fandango last night and is ashamed to mention it in the palatial gardens they’ve all gone to for the last scene of this week’s episode