Eating disorder specialist reveals why you should never comment on your daughter’s weight

Eating disorder specialist and dietitian Lyndi Cohen has revealed why you should never comment on your daughter’s weight – and how doing so can set them up with body issues for life.

The Sydney-based dietitian said that while you might think you are protecting your daughter, in fact speaking to her about her weight will only hurt her in the long term.

‘There is NO way you can comment on your daughter’s weight without causing damage,’ Lyndi wrote on her blog. 

‘If you do, your child will only hear one thing: “I am not good enough”.’

Lyndi said that science backs up the fact that you shouldn’t comment on your daughter’s weight:

‘Studies show that commenting on your daughter’s weight majorly boosts her chance of not liking her body – regardless of what she weighs,’ she said.

‘It can also put her at a higher risk for eating disorders including binge eating disorder.’

While Lyndi said she herself had a very good childhood, she also said her own parents commented on her weight ‘for as long as I could remember’.

‘I was always bigger than the other girls in my class, so my parents wanted to protect me from all the things associated with being the “wrong weight”,’ she said.

‘But instead of helping, this lack of acceptance drove me to eat in private, diet obsessively, starve myself, binge and over-exercise in order to feel good enough.’

Lyndi said she doesn’t ‘blame’ her parents, as they thought they were doing the right thing for their daughter and it was a pattern they learned from their own parents.

But she has vowed to never pass on the same information.

If you are a parent and want your daughter to build a healthy relationship with her body, Lyndi recommends you start with looking at yourself.

Ask yourself whether you ever talk negatively about your body – even absent-mindedly – or whether you ever comment on the weight of other women.

Lyndi said you should think about whether you ever label foods as good or bad, or if you feel shameful after you eat specific items. 

Next, you should try to cut this talk from your life – especially around your daughter – and then introduce something called crowding.

Lyndi describes ‘crowding’ as filling your life with the things you can eat, rather than the things that you can’t or are bad for you.

‘In other words, instead of telling your daughter what she can’t eat, shift the focus on all the great things she can eat,’ Lyndi said.

You can do subtle things at home if you’re worried your daughter might be a little overweight, including tailoring your meals at home.

The dietitian recommends you make veggies, whole grains, lean protein and healthy fats the heroes of the family dinner, and invite her to make dinner with you a few times each week.

You could also ask her what her favourite foods are, and then you could make some healthy and fund recipes from there.

‘Here’s the thing: focusing on forbidden foods makes you want to eat them more, which encourages overeating, eating in secret and eating with a whole lot of shame on the side,’ Lyndi said.

Finally, Lyndi explained you should accept the fact that your daughter is not necessarily a supermodel – and possibly never will be – and that is okay.

Remind herself and yourself that every body is different – and what she sees online isn’t the norm. 

To read more from Lyndi Cohen, you can visit her website here.