A groomzilla has revealed that he and his bride-to-be are facing backlash from their friends and family for demanding a white tie wedding where guests are forbidden from having unnaturally dyed hair, visible tattoos, or piercings.
In the shocking Reddit post, the 29-year-old man admitted that they want their guests to be formally dressed for their wedding shoot because they spent a large amount of money on their photographer.
Not only did they warn one of their mothers that she can’t wear the ‘cocktail’ style dress she had her eye on, but they also told a family friend she wasn’t allowed to bring flat shoes to change into.
Bold: A 29-year-old groom has revealed he and his bride-to-be have forbidden guests from having ‘unnaturally dyed hair, visible tattoos, or piercings’ at their white tie wedding
The man explained at the start of the post that he and his 24-year-old fiancée are getting married in September after months of planning, but they have been having trouble with their dress code.
‘One thing we are really looking forward to is our wedding shoot,’ he wrote. ‘We have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer, who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations.
‘The photographer is highly, highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance. So naturally we are taking this seriously.’
The groom said that they ‘have been very clear start that the dress code will be fully enforced’ without any exceptions.
White tie is the most formal evening dress code and tends to be reserved for royal, state, or livery ceremonies, balls, or banquets. Men are required to wear a white bow tie, a white waistcoat, and evening tailcoats, while women don full-length gowns and evening gloves.
‘The invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we’d be expecting from them (white tie, no unnaturally dyed hair, no visible tattoos or piercings) and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this,’ he explained.
‘We also sent everybody who RSVP’d a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction.’
Backlash: So far, they’ve told one of their mothers she can’t wear the ‘cocktail’ style dress she had her eye on and forbid a family friend from wearing flats, which many said was ‘ableist’
He said everything was ‘going fine’ until one of their mothers took to Facebook to post a picture of the ‘cocktail’ style dress she wanted to wear on their wedding day.
‘Of course this isn’t included in our dress code, so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable,’ he said. ‘Another woman (a family friend) asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony, and again we directed her to the “white tie” instructions.
‘Unfortunately, this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both our families and even some friends.’
The man said both sets of parents, cousins, siblings, and ‘many more people’ have all messaged them privately to ask them to be more flexible with their dress code — and they refused.
‘This isn’t happening, so we have just pointed to our ‘white tie only’ policy and told them they accepted the rules when they RSVP’d,’ he said.
‘In our opinion, while wearing knee-length dresses and suits (rather than a tux) might be appropriate for “day to day life,” they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal.’
The groom stressed that they are hosting a private event and are able to set the rules, noting that he has always complied with the wishes of the marrying couple when he attended weddings in the past.
‘Since we made this clear, we’ve been called a**holes by people around us. However, in our opinion, this is our wedding and we’ve been clear about our preferences all along,’ he said.
Confused? Critics agreed that he had gone too far, while some questioned if he even knows what a white tie dress code entails
‘We have even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this, they are free to drop out (even though we will still be paying for their seats now) and not attend.’
The man later returned to the post to note that he — not his fiancée — had written the submission.
‘Just so you know, everyone shouting “bridezilla” is being very sexist,’ he said. ‘I am the man in this relationship, and while my fiancée and I agree on this issue entirely, I am the one who posted this submission.’
Regardless of who had written the post, many agreed that he and his bride-to-be were in the wrong for a number of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with wanting a white tie wedding.
‘White tie in a non white tie crowd is an a**hole move,’ one person commented. ‘Insisting on strictly enforcing it is even more so. It’s one thing for people who regularly go to such events, and another if you require people to buy a whole new expensive outfit just for your wedding.
‘No one who regularly attends such events would actually not know this. You tailor your event to fit your crowd, not the other way around.’
‘Requiring heels is incredibly ableist on top of sexist (and if floor length gowns are a must, who would even notice flats under the dress?) and some guests may not feel comfortable disclosing health concerns that prevent wearing them for a full night,’ someone else commented.
Others weren’t even sure if the knew what white tie meant or what they are really asking of their wedding guests.
‘White tie is evening wear so unless they are having an evening ceremony it’s weird that the ceremony was even mentioned,’ one person pointed out. ‘If you go to a white tie wedding you are expected to wear morning dress during the day and change into white tie for the evening.’