A service station ice dealer cops the Jim Carrey edit, a 48-year-old woman invents a verb for menopause and the internet goes Sherlock Holmes on a woman’s age.
We begin at True Love HQ on an all-time classic Married At First Sight double wedding, where Dr. Trish Stratford is once again staring redundancy in the face.
Sadly, it’s another foot out the door for the Pheromone fanatic, who introduces us to Stacey Lee Hampton, a 26-year-old law graduate with a past as chequered as John Aiken’s weekend wardrobe.
The Age Of Wonder: Last night on MAFS: A service station ice dealer cops a Jim Carrey edit, a 48-year-old invents a verb for menopause and just how old is Stacey Lee Hampton (pictured)
Mishel and Michael
Nice pick! But first, John Aiken introduces us to Mishel Karen, a 48-year-old teacher who wears her hourly hot flashes like a badge of honour
But first, John Aiken introduces us to Mishel Karen, a 48-year-old teacher who wears her hourly hot flashes like a badge of honour.
She also wears a $1,600 CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine to bed every night that ‘makes her look like Darth Vader.’
Actually, it makes her sound like Darth Vader. It looks more like a novelty beer hat with a nostril-based delivery system.
‘Seven out of eight guys I’ve dated have cheated on me!’ Mishel reveals, almost proudly.
The force: She also wears a $1,600 CPAP machine to bed every night that ‘makes her look like Darth Vader’. It looks more like a novelty beer hat with a nostril-based delivery system
Rumour has it the one bloke who didn’t cheat on her was her kindergarten boyfriend Brett Tooby. I hear he was already planning to cheat on her with Kathy Dixon from second grade – all the guys loved her because she had an Atari 2600 and a two-door fridge.
So who do the Stupid Cupids match her with? 51-year-old barbershop owner Steve Burley, who has CHEATED IN THE PAST.
Number 9! ‘Seven out of eight guys I’ve dated have cheated on me!’ Mishel proudly reveals. So who do the Stupid Cupids match her with? Steve Burley, 51, who has CHEATED IN THE PAST
Steve is a John Aiken selection, and true to form, Achy-breaky Aiken uses a classic virtue signalling trick to mask his backhanded compliments. I’ve translated his BS into English below.
John: ‘I think Steve is perfect for Michel’
Translation: He’s the only other old guy who applied.
John: ‘He’s a unique individual’
Translation: Steve suffered permanent, bliss-induced shell shock At Big Day Out in 1997. Apparently the ‘Holy Trinity’ of The Prodigy into The Offspring into Soundgarden was too much for him to handle.
Pause for thought: On the day of the wedding, Mishel’s daughter discovers that Steve has cheated in the past. ‘OMG, I’m ‘pausin!’ she squeals, using ‘experiencing Menopause’ as a verb
On the day of the wedding, Mishel’s daughter discovers that Steve has cheated in the past.
‘OMG, I’m ‘pausin!’ she squeals as she finds out the bad news, becoming the first woman to use ‘experiencing Menopause’ as a verb.
Now, Mishel, what happened in the moshpit of Soundgarden ’97 was hardly cheating – the Coronial inquest labelled it an ‘impromptu orgy between 37 consenting adults’.
We of course know that this blowup is staged and that Mishel had already been informed of his cheating. The weddings need drama and I’m not complaining.
Come on, Mishel! Now, Mishel, what happened in the moshpit of Soundgarden ’97 was hardly cheating – the Coronial inquest labelled it an ‘impromptu orgy between 37 consenting adults’
Stacey and Michael
Smells Like Hard Spirits: This is the most airtime Dr. Trish Stratford has had in years, as she meets with Stacey’s match Michael Goonan in her lab. One sniff and Michael is IN
This is the most airtime Dr. Trish Stratford has had in years, as she meets with Michael Goonan in her lab, holding a shirt she stole from Stacey’s bin at 1am.
On the day of the wedding, one of Stacey’s bridesmaids immediately flags an issue. ‘He’s funny, she’s not going to like that’.
‘Funny’ is a bit much – the guy is copping a serious Jim Carrey edit and nobody can take him seriously.
‘He’s funny, she’s not going to like that’: Says one of Stacey’s bridesmaids upon first sighting. Michael is copping a serious Jim Carrey edit and nobody can take him seriously
When Michael sees Stacey coming down the aisle in all her glory – with all of her enhancements – he’s like, ‘thank god John wasn’t listening when I asked for ‘natural women!”
Stacey is not feeling it at all. That’s until she learns his secret.
Michael is an ICE DEALER. To be clear: he produces and sells the ‘ice cubes you find at servos and stuff’. He’s legit rich and Stacey is back in.
Thank god! When Michael sees Stacey coming down the aisle in all her glory – with all of her enhancements – he’s like, ‘thank god John Aiken wasn’t listening when I asked for ‘natural women!”
She’s back in! Stacey is not feeling it. That is until she learns he’s an ice dealer. To be clear: he produces and sells the ‘ice cubes you find at servos and stuff’. He’s legit rich and she’s back in
As far as Twitter was concerned, the big story of the night was Stacey Lee Hampton’s age.
‘There is NO way Stacey is 25. Look at her neck and hands C’mon ppl we have all seen Younger,’ one keyboard warrior wrote.
Well I hate to break it to you, but as impossible as it sounds, she’s 26 (25 at the time of filming). I’ve seen her high school photo and even spoken to former classmates. At most, it’s an indictment of offshore surgery jobs.
The TRUTH: The big story on social media was Stacey’s age. Well I hate to break it to you, but as impossible as it sounds, she’s 26. I’ve seen her highschool photo and spoken to classmates